they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Don't tell me you're on acid again
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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