I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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