i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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