i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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