If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Drake has all the answers
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
