I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
