The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
