My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
