I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
