You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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