If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
