Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
