"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
