haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
my shit smells like andre
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
