sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My vagina is officially offended.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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