Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
