Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Do vagina's smell?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
