i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
