So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
