Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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