Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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