Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
