He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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