her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
