I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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