Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize