you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
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