you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Randomize
