girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
