He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
