My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
