he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
