the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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