I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Still dying that you shit outside
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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