On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
