Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
