I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
