Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
