Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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