Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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