Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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