I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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