lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
