but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize