the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
