So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
