It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
