dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
