i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
