Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
