he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
