i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
