just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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