we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
