in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
