We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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