woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
