I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's blow job season.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
