her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
