Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
