That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
