I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize