"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
