he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Randomize
