I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
