I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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