i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
