somebody snuck up and got me drunk
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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