I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
