I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
