Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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