It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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